Mommy loves you...

I have been a mother since I was 15, although I did not actually give birth until I was 23. I have pretty much raised my niece since she was a baby, 9 years now. I have given up a lot of things and opportunities for her and I have never not once regretted it. I never wanted children, I didn't think it would be fair to Alyssa. I was afraid she would feel abandoned again. Her dad tried to sign away his rights to get out of paying child support, her mom cared more about partying and having a good time. I was pretty much all she had. When my sister found out she was pregnant with her second child I was afraid of how Alyssa was going to feel. What if Jennifer actually took care of the new baby? No worries there, I'm raising her too. Then she got pregnant with her third, now how is Alyssa going to feel? Kids are amazing! She never not once felt jealous of her brother and sister, even though Jennifer seemed to love them more. (Even though it didn't seem she loved them enough to actually take care of them.) Then very unexpectedly, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby and I was scared to tell the two (and one on the way) I already had. Before I even had a chance to tell Alyssa, my sister already did. It seemed more like she was telling on me than spreading the good news, like she wanted Alyssa to get upset and angry with me. Sucks to be her! Alyssa was excited, super excited.

Now almost two years later, she is the best cousin/might-as-well-be-sister my baby could ever have.

I never wanted kids for many reasons, one reason being that I didn't know how I could possibly love another child as much as I love Alyssa...and Kamaria...and Brother Bear, but I was oh so wrong! I have yet to run out of love for my kids, it just seems to grow and grow and grow.

Alyssa, Kamaria, Brother Bear, Lorelai... Mommy loves you more than the world and I will always be here for you!