Mommy loves you...

I have been a mother since I was 15, although I did not actually give birth until I was 23. I have pretty much raised my niece since she was a baby, 9 years now. I have given up a lot of things and opportunities for her and I have never not once regretted it. I never wanted children, I didn't think it would be fair to Alyssa. I was afraid she would feel abandoned again. Her dad tried to sign away his rights to get out of paying child support, her mom cared more about partying and having a good time. I was pretty much all she had. When my sister found out she was pregnant with her second child I was afraid of how Alyssa was going to feel. What if Jennifer actually took care of the new baby? No worries there, I'm raising her too. Then she got pregnant with her third, now how is Alyssa going to feel? Kids are amazing! She never not once felt jealous of her brother and sister, even though Jennifer seemed to love them more. (Even though it didn't seem she loved them enough to actually take care of them.) Then very unexpectedly, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby and I was scared to tell the two (and one on the way) I already had. Before I even had a chance to tell Alyssa, my sister already did. It seemed more like she was telling on me than spreading the good news, like she wanted Alyssa to get upset and angry with me. Sucks to be her! Alyssa was excited, super excited.

Now almost two years later, she is the best cousin/might-as-well-be-sister my baby could ever have.

I never wanted kids for many reasons, one reason being that I didn't know how I could possibly love another child as much as I love Alyssa...and Kamaria...and Brother Bear, but I was oh so wrong! I have yet to run out of love for my kids, it just seems to grow and grow and grow.

Alyssa, Kamaria, Brother Bear, Lorelai... Mommy loves you more than the world and I will always be here for you!

Somewhere between clean and dirty...

I've never been a very good house keeper, but I'm not a complete slob either. I always thought that if I ever had kids I'd just magically acquire all the qualities a good mom has. Boy was I wrong! In the past 22 months my house keeping skills have gotten worse, I don't cook as often as I should and I nap a lot. Sometimes I think it's because I am exhausted from chasing a toddler around all day, then I turn around and think maybe I am just lazy. I really can't decide which one it is.

My house is a mess, and that is being generous. It could probably be more accurately described as a disaster zone. I live in a small two bedroom apartment with my mom, Lorelai, myself and most of the time my two nieces and nephew are here as well. My mom works nights, so she sleeps during the day, which means the cooking and cleaning is up to me. With three toddlers and a 9 year old running around it's hard to keep anything clean for more than ten minutes at a time.

Every time I try to write something happens and I have to stop. I always think I'll come back later and finish what I started, but never do. I started this two weeks ago and just not got around to finishing it, but I forgot what my point was, so...

Good night...

Mother's Day...again!

Well, I wrote a post about Mother's Day but I forgot to publish it, so I just erased it and started over.

For the most part, Mother's Day was good. The kids made hand prints and framed them for my mom. Jennifer was supposed to pick her kids up Saturday morning so the kids could spend the weekend (mostly just Mother's Day) with her. But on Saturday morning when my mom got home from work she told me Jennifer had been picked up by the police and was in jail. She spent from about 9:00am Saturday until around 3:00pm today in jail.

Even though the kids were sad about not seeing their mom on Mother's Day we still had a pretty good day. Alyssa, with a little help from me, made dinner. She made a roast with carrots and potatoes.

Lorelai got me a card for Mother's Day. I opened the envelope and started laughing. When my mom was picking out the card she saw one with a mommy duck and a baby duck and she knew that would be perfect. I guess when she was picking it out she forgot that it is the same one Lorelai got me last year, too. I loved it though.

I took my Sanitation & Safety final yesterday. I was pretty easy, I'll make a B for the class. I wish I could have made an A, but a B is still passing. Now I just have my DMAT final on Thursday; I'm really worried about that one. I am in no way good at math. But as long as I make a C on my final I should pass the class with a C. I've finished all my online assignments with pretty good grades. I made a 100 on all 22 homework assignments, and my average for the online quizzes is a 90. They are due on the 13th, so I am hoping to be able to retake a few of them until I make 100's on all of them.

Anyway, I guess I better put Lorelai to bed. We went to the park today so we're both pretty tired.

Not enough hours in the day...

I have no idea where I thought I'd find the time to update this blog regularly. Between 2 classes, 1 daughter, 2 nieces and 1 nephew there just isn't enough time in the day. I'm so glad the semester is almost over. I was debating on whether I should take a Summer I class or not, but I think I've decided against it. I just want to have some time to spend with Lorelai with out sticking her in front of the TV with Elmo just so I can get some studying done. I'm planning on taking her to the park a lot this summer. Of course, I'll have to invest in some really good sunblock since she is so pale. :-) My mom and I took the kids to the park yesterday before I had to leave for class. I tried teaching Lorelai how to play baseball, it was great. She was pretty good for only being 21 months. I think she'll be ready for t-ball pretty soon. We were having so much fun, but then we had to leave so I could get ready for class.

Class started at 7:00 and I got there about 6:45. Shortly after I got there Claudia walked in. She asked me how I did on the practice final, which I haven't even touched yet. She informed me it was due that day. Dang! I spent all day at the park with the kiddos and forgot all about my practice final. Well, when class started Prof. Story said that a lot of people hadn't finished it yet so she decided to let us have until next class period to turn it is. So here it is 1:14am and I, again, haven't even looked at it yet. I need to get busy and get it done. I'm not doing to good in math, so this practice final should really help me out. For one, I'll know what kind of problems to expect on the final; and for two she said if we work it out and turn it in she will give us 5 points added to our grade on our final exam. The final is on Thursday the 13th, which is also the day our on-line assignments are due. Out of 33 assignments 21 of them are homework and 12 are quizzes. I have finished all 21 homework assignments with 100's. So far I have finished 2 quizzes with 100's and three in the high 70's. I'm going to retake those last three as many times as I have to until I get 100's. I am hoping to get 100's on all 12.

Well, Lorelai just woke up and asked for eat-eats, so I better get off here and put her back to bed. Maybe after that I'll start on my practice final. Wish me luck...

How it all came about...

I guess I'll make this first post sort of an introduction of my daughter and myself, and how I became a single mom. My name is Tommi, I am the proud mother of the most beautiful, smart, loving little girl in the world. Her name is Lorelai Elizabeth, but mostly we just call her LaiLai. She was born on July 28th, 2008 (which was her due date) at 9:39 P.M.

Now on to how I became a single mom.

Please bare with me as I tell this story. It may sound confusing.

I used to work at Walmart, my job title was 'In-Stock Associate' but basically all that meant was I worked almost everywhere in the store. Mostly I worked in grocery and dairy. In October of 2007 a new guy, D, started working there. He worked as an assembler. He was supposed to put together bikes and furniture, but really he just walked around and did nothing. At this time I was hanging out with Chelsa and Jenn a lot. Since I was the only one of my friends that was single they decided to introduce me to D. So D and I would talk occasionally while I was on break or lunch. After knowing D only about 2 days, he asked me out on a date, I turned him down. He was very persistent, he asked me out everyday after that. Finally I agreed to go across the street to Starbucks after work. While we were there we talked about a few things, just getting to know each other. On his arm he had a tattoo that said 'Wyatt' so I asked about it; he said that it is his sons name. So I asked how many kids he had and he said just the one, but that his ex-wife was pregnant. He said that he was married for almost 4 years, but just recently got divorced. The next day at work he asked me out again, this time to the movies, and I agreed. I got off work at 3, I was supposed to go home and he would pick me up at about 7. He called me about 4 but I was with my mom, so I didn't answer the phone. He called me about 20 times in a row so finally I answered. He told me that his best friend had just got into a car wreck and was in the hospital, not expected to make it. We rescheduled our date for the next evening. So the next day at work 2 or 3 people came up to me telling me that they heard my boyfriends best friend died and asked if D was okay. I politely told them D was NOT my boyfriend, that we were just friends, then I told them I didn't know the exact details of what happened but he would be at work a little later and they could all ask him. The day goes on and I only saw him once, he seemed okay. He didn't mention his friend again. We continued to date for about a month. At the beginning of November Jenn called me and told me I needed to get to her house as soon as possible. I asked what was wrong, she said D showed up at her house crying saying his dad had just had a heart attack and died. He told Jenn that he couldn't bare to go back to his dad's house to live after that, so he asked her if he could stay with her for a little while until he could find an apartment. She agreed. While he was living there he got a new cell phone and said he didn't know how to check his voice mail, so he would have me do it for him. Well, one day about a week after he moved in with Jenn I checked his voice mail for him and there was a message from his ex-wife. She said that their son missed him and asking when he was going to come home because the baby needed diapers and that she was having pregnancy related pains. At the end of the message she said "I love you, D." Wait, what? I love you? Coming home? Wouldn't that suggest they were still together? When I questioned him about the message he said she was crazy and refused to accept that they got divorced. Something didn't seem right about his story, about all of his story's, so I decided to call his ex-wife later that night when he wasn't around. After I left Jenn's apartment I sent T, his ex-wife, a text and asked if they were still married, but she never responded, so I decided to take my niece to the movies, and I'd try calling T the next day. Well, about halfway through the movie I get a text back from her asking who I am. I sent her a message back telling her who I was and why I sent her a text, then I called her. I had Jenn on three-way so I had a witness to the conversation, just for my own piece of mind. Once T was on the phone I told her that I am not trying to cause problems, but I just wanted answers, as well as I am sure she did too. She proceeded to tell me that, yes, they are still together, so I asked why they were not living together. She said that they got evicted from where they were living because D refused to pay the bills, so they had nowhere else to go. She moved back in with her parents and he told her he was going to Lincoln Tech and living on campus. She asked what my name was again, so I told her and she said "Oh, wait, you're the dyke, right? D says I shouldn't be worried about y'all being friends because you're a lesbian." I politely informed her that this wasn't true. I felt so bad for T, having to go through this, all while being 8 months pregnant. Well, Jenn decided she wanted to confront D, but I asked her not to, since I wasn't able to be there. I told her that this was between D, myself and T; but she went ahead and did it anyway. She went and picked up T and had her waiting at Jenn's apartment when D got home. They tried to confront him, but instead he just walked away. I figured since I had no ties to him I would leave it at that, there was no reason to ever see or hear from him again.

About 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I debated on whether or not I should tell him, but in the end I decided he deserved to know. I called his phone, but it was turned off; the only other way I knew how to contact him was by calling T. So there I sat, on my friends porch, calling the wife of the man I slept with to tell him I was pregnant. I dialed the number. She answered. "T, I am very sorry to bother you but do you know how I can get in contact with D? It is very important." She replied by telling me he was there with her, I asked if I could speak with him, she put him on the phone. "D, I don't know how to tell you this, but I figured you needed to know. I am pregnant!" Before D even had a chance to respond I could hear T in the background saying "She's pregnant, isn't she!?" When he finally did respond, it was short, it was simple, it was "I'll call you back."

It was then and there that I knew I would be raising my baby on my own!

Since that day I have heard from T more than I have heard from D. I have spoken to him twice, and her several times. Anyway, that's all for now. I hope this didn't get to confusing. Hell, it was confusing for me and I lived it...